I've done a number of blog tours over the years, posting on different sites. Now I'm bringing them to you!
Originally published May 19, 2011 for Autumn Shuty
Splashing Verbal Paint
First, thanks so much to A.L. for having me here today!
A vacation picture. Movies on the big screen. Dreams, swirling with color. Except for smell (new-mown grass, a mother’s perfume), nothing connects us to reality like image.
We've heard show-don't-tell, but isn't it all just words? How can words show?
I think of it like splashing verbal paint on canvas. I’m taking my example from Biting Me Softly because I know how I changed it. Well, and because it’s In Stock at bookstores across the US ☺ “I” is Liese, a Saint-Pauli-girl-next-door programmer. Her hero is Logan Steel, over six feet of golden, graceful vampire.
Here’s the original, where Logan takes a phone call. It’s a pretty good painting (Also Sprach Zarathustra is the theme from 2001: A Space Odyssey).
Also Sprach Zarathustra cut me off. Logan snapped out the cell just as the heavens opened and the brass and tympani exploded.
“Geez,” I said. “Is that a phone or a home theater system?”
Logan grinned. “What can I say? I run a security shop. I have to keep up with technology.”
“Or you have the latest toys to stay alpha geek.”
“That too. Steel.” Almost immediately Logan’s tone moderated. “Yes, sir.”
His tone was filled with respect, like he was speaking to an esteemed superior. That baffled me because as CEO of one of the biggest security firms in the tri-state area, most of the state—most of the Midwest—heck, most of the nation was Steel’s underling.
The bit about “CEO of one of the biggest security firm...” etc etc, is a little long and clumsy. How about this instead?
But Logan was a prince of business. Nobody outranked him.
I think “Prince” draws a picture that “CEO...” etc etc can't match. What about you?
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