Now I'd like to focus on the item itself. Maybe one of the reasons your story element is muddled or confused is because it's trying to DO TOO MANY THINGS.
This is one area of failure where I excel, lol.
My tendency is to write sentences like,
Bo held the limp human bundle in his arms and started to fight the rogue vampires.
No, no, no. Let the reader fully appreciate the pathos of the limp bundle before we go on.
Bo lifted the injured, unconscious woman. She was a small, limp bundle in his arms, her breathing labored, irregular. He took a moment to hope she survived.
Then his anger flared, fury at the rogues who'd done this to her. He lashed out, catching the first in the throat.
Make sure your reader sees the pothole before you step over it; make sure she sees the vampire is dead before you breathe life into him again. It's easy for us as writers to simply go to where we want to be. But that's not storytelling. Even in condensed passages, make sure you note the downs, to provide proper contrast to the ups, and vice versa.
Published since 2009, over the years I've accumulated various items of writing wisdom. The Third Tuesday Writing Tidbit showcases these items in no particular order. Click here to see all 3T Tidbits.