I've done a number of blog tours over the years, posting on different sites. Now I'm bringing them to you!
Originally published April 27, 2011 for Victoria Allen
As Simple as ABCBC
I’m a pantser. I love to take a strong man and a stronger woman, throw them together and let ’em have at it. So you might think I’d be the last person promoting order.
Except… what makes the difference between clear and huh? Or even between believable and not?
The right order.
The wrong order is like stumbling on the stair that’s not there, or drinking from an empty glass. Like reciting the alphabet backwards. I’m not talking about deliberate red herrings or plot twists, but ABC turned into ACB-what?
I have a story to illustrate. I once played a maid in the play Gas Light. Set in the 1880s, I was supposed to enter under dialog and light two gas lights on either side of the set. Not real gas lights, but as I touched my long pole to each the lightboard brought up the electric light hidden within.
I managed one but didn’t get to the other in time. The lightboard had to bring up the second light anyway, making it look like it’d been lit by ghosts (or the really bad error it was). And yes, I got yelled at. Never did that again.
ABC can get muddled in many ways. Besides my ghost lighting (B without A) there’s ABCBC and AC.
I’m taking my examples from Biting Me Softly because I know how I changed it. Well, and because it’s In Stock at bookstores across the US ? “I” is Liese, a Saint-Pauli-girl-next-door programmer. Her hero is Logan Steel, over six feet of golden, graceful vampire.
Problem: Redundant orderbABCBC vs. ABC.
Before: The instant Logan touched me, he knew and the smooth, seductive lover morphed into marauding pirate. “Liese. You’re so ready—treasure for the taking. I’m going to plunder you, princess. Prepare to be boarded.” One hand captured my face, securing me for easy ravaging, and he breached my pitiful defenses with a devouring kiss.
The problem? He touches, he knows, he morphs. Then in his speech we go backwards to where he’s knowing again. Then he morphs again. What has more impact, ABCBCbor ABC?
After: The instant Logan touched me he knew. “Liese. You’re so ready—treasure for the taking. Prepare to be boarded, princess.” The smooth, seductive lover morphed into a marauding pirate. One hand captured my face and he breached my pitiful defenses with a devouring kiss.
Problem: Causal order. A>C vs. A>B>C.
Before: His tongue invaded me, stole my breath. His taste overwhelmed me, his heat fierce and unyielding. His hand slid into my hair, anchoring my head. The other yanked me into his muscular body. He seized my bottom, cupping and fondling. I arched helplessly into him, banging up against his pirate’s prow, and it was a monster.
One hand anchors, the other yanks. Then he seizes her (which hand?) and she arches. This is actually okay (if you can overlook the phantom hand), but inserting a cause for his yanking adds a layer and increases the tension between them.
After: His tongue invaded me, stole my breath. His mouth overwhelmed me, his heat fierce and unyielding. Fingers slid into my hair to anchor my head for an even deeper kiss. When I moaned and tried to evade his plundering, his arm wrapped around me and yanked me tight into his muscular body. He seized my bottom, cupping and fondling. I arched helplessly into him, banging up against his pirate’s prow, and it was a monster.
In short: To order attention to pay a difference makes. And, um, it makes a difference too :)
