Recently I wrote the first draft of a scene that, when I re-read it, struck me as strangely passive-aggressive. In it, the heroine, Cinderella, is helping her stepsisters get ready for the Prince's ball. She has all sorts of snarky thoughts about the way her stepsisters' clothes and makeup choices don't really work for them (the thin sister belts her gauzy dress instead of letting it float about her bony body, the pink-faced blonde is trying to wear Cleopatra makeup), but Cinderella tries to help them look beautiful anyway.
I realized the problem was that Cinderella, though she acts in a compassionate manner, is having these snarky thoughts, funny, but essentially dissing the stepsisters
behind their backs. Which can been seen as sneaky, not snarky.
So I brought the thoughts into the open. She still keeps the more acid comments to herself but in the rewrite, she presents the problems to the stepsisters out loud. Things like "Please try this nice pink blush," but her stepsister slaps her hand. Now it comes off as her truly trying to be helpful, much better for the character Cinderella, who's supposed to be sweet and kind.
This is a similar problem to the one I wrote about last month, where I asserted
ONLY STRUGGLING WITH IT MAKES IT REAL. (*For all values of IT.)
Now I add to that--CONFRONTING AN ISSUE IS BETTER THAN THINKING WHY NOT.**
**I'm not talking about struggling with an issue mentally. I'm talking about places where the heroine thinks about taking action BUT DECIDES NOT TO, passages like
Jane wanted to confront the bastard and tell him off. But she knew he wouldn't listen. So she went and ate ice cream.
Sure, it works, and I've written stuff like this. But much better, at least to my mind now, is,
Jane went to confront the bastard. "You bastard," she screamed. He turned away from her with an upraised hand. Jerk. So she went and ate ice cream.
What about you? Any stories where you think confrontation would have been better?
Published since 2009, over the years I've accumulated various items of writing
wisdom. The Third Tuesday Writing Tidbit showcases these items in no particular
order.
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