Tuesday, September 19, 2017

3T Writing Tidbit

Ever read a clunky sentence and the perfect replacement pops into your head? A brilliant, fresh way of saying the thing, so amazing you just have to preserve the before and after (either to show how brilliant you can be or how utterly clueless, lol). Or just a simpler, cleaner phrase?

I have a couple files on my writing computer where I store such eureka moments. One is called "Great Lines" to store all those things friends or family have said that resonate (or are laugh-out-loud funny).

The other is "Improving Writing.txt", and I thought I'd share a few of those with you today.

Stronger phrases (before/after):
  • He wanted so desperately
  • He yearned
  • emotion that never made it to the surface
  • emotion that never surfaced
  • the expression on his face
  • his expression
  • which will mean death for any vampires between New York and Chicago.
  • and light a fuse of death for vampires from Chicago to New York.
  • a desert water pump
  • a water pump in the desert
  • John, bleeding heavily from a nasty head wound
  • John stumbled down the stairs, eyes glazed, blood streaming from a nasty head wound
  • She managed to slide her nearly naked behind into the other chair and found herself sitting in a cuddly cloud
  • She managed to slide her nearly naked behind into the other chair and found herself cuddled by a cloud
  • "Cedric of Gherwyn, son of Aldric the Proctor, grandson of Cedric, Magistrate of Gherwyn.” The way he said it made it sound like a royal succession.
  • He proclaimed the names like a royal succession.

  • A wave of nausea passed through her, followed by an overwhelming tiredness.
  • A wave of nausea passed through her, followed by a bone-deep fatigue.

  • “The cost is horrendous,” Caer said shortly
  • “The cost is horrendous,” Caer bit out.

  • As soon as Caer left, Robert unfroze, stutter-stepping to keep his balance.
  • At the slam of the door, Robert unfroze, stutter-stepping to keep his balance.

  • A surge of pride went through him.
  • Pride surged through him.

  • She didn’t like how her friends were being threatened because of her.
  • She didn’t like her friends being threatened because of her.
Published since 2009, over the years I've accumulated various items of writing wisdom. The Third Tuesday Writing Tidbit showcases these items in no particular order. Click here to see all 3T Tidbits.

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