I have a couple files on my writing computer where I store such eureka moments. One is called "Great Lines" to store all those things friends or family have said that resonate (or are laugh-out-loud funny).
The other is "Improving Writing.txt", and I thought I'd share a few of those with you today.
Stronger phrases (before/after):
- He wanted so desperately
- He yearned
- emotion that never made it to the surface
- emotion that never surfaced
- the expression on his face
- his expression
- which will mean death for any vampires between New York and Chicago.
- and light a fuse of death for vampires from Chicago to New York.
- a desert water pump
- a water pump in the desert
- John, bleeding heavily from a nasty head wound
- John stumbled down the stairs, eyes glazed, blood streaming from a nasty head wound
- She managed to slide her nearly naked behind into the other chair and found herself sitting in a cuddly cloud
- She managed to slide her nearly naked behind into the other chair and found herself cuddled by a cloud
- "Cedric of Gherwyn, son of Aldric the Proctor, grandson of Cedric, Magistrate of Gherwyn.” The way he said it made it sound like a royal succession.
- He proclaimed the names like a royal succession.
- A wave of nausea passed through her, followed by an overwhelming tiredness.
- A wave of nausea passed through her, followed by a bone-deep fatigue.
- “The cost is horrendous,” Caer said shortly
- “The cost is horrendous,” Caer bit out.
- As soon as Caer left, Robert unfroze, stutter-stepping to keep his balance.
- At the slam of the door, Robert unfroze, stutter-stepping to keep his balance.
- A surge of pride went through him.
- Pride surged through him.
- She didn’t like how her friends were being threatened because of her.
- She didn’t like her friends being threatened because of her.
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