Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Nonsensical Dating Advice Floating Around--Guest Selena Robins--plus link to FREE short story!
Selena is a fellow Samhain Publishing author I met at an online exerpt reading party. She writes "genre-defying romance" and characters who are "witty, strong and hilarious" (Joleen, Goodreads review). I'm so there :)
Warning: you may laugh out loud at this. Some adult language and situations described.
I put out a request on Twitter, asking men to privately message me about dating advice they were given so I could use their information for a blog that I wanted to write.
I was pleasantly surprised at the number of men who came forth and shared the dating advice they’d been given. A lot of the advice was duplicated, it seems that more than one guy is giving and receiving the same advice.
I promised to keep them anonymous, so they are referred to as Man Tweeter A, B, etc.
However, I never promised I wouldn’t be judgmental or highly opinionated in this blog post, so what you see is what you get from me on this topic.
Man Tweeter A was given this advice by his still single friends:
“Even if you don’t want to see her again, just say you’ll call her. If you run into her, just say you lost her number. Works every time and gets you off the hook. And check out her friends on Facebook, if they’re hot, try to get their numbers, that way you can call one of them and hook us up as well.”
My Opinion: You’d think this would be a no-brainer and Man Tweeter A would tell his friends they are crazy-ass idiots, especially, regarding the latter piece of advice, which is beyond stupid and would never in a million years work. He did tell me that most of his friends like this piece of advice. All these guys are still single and looking. I have a feeling they’ll be single for a long time to come.
Dear Men who think this advice is viable:
Women talk (I know hard to believe), and she’ll tell all her friends who will then tell their friends what a dickhead you are for saying you’d call and you never did.
Any guy who actually thinks that a woman is going to hand over her girlfriend’s phone numbers to a guy they are seeing, truly has a dick for brains.
If at the end of the date a guy knows for certain that he doesn’t want to call her, simply thank her, say goodnight and don’t make promises you know you won’t keep.
She’ll probably still think you’re a dickhead, but at least you’ll be an honest dickhead.
Man Tweeter B was given this advice by his father:
“Screw your brains out every chance you get to get it out of your system before you settle down. Once you settle down, you’ll have to get used to not having much sex.”
First of all, I’d love to smack his father for trying to live vicariously through his son and imparting such nonsense.
Out of his system? Really? Because after he’s had sex with 100 or more women, he’s not going to want to have sex any longer?
A. Men always want to have sex. No such thing as getting it out of their system.
B. Women love sex even after they settle down. Shocking isn’t it?
It takes two to create a healthy, fun-loving sex life. Guess what, guys…it starts the moment you wake up, and lasts all day. If things are crappy outside the bedroom, then chances are the horizontal mambo isn’t going to be all that exciting. But that’s a whole other subject.
Man Tweeter C was given this advice by his still single friends: (A lot of “still single friends” doling out advice out there)
”Never ever call a woman the next day. Wait four days minimum, five days max, then call her and act like you are not interested. Makes them want you more.”
She’ll think you’re a dickhead (I did warn you that I use dickhead a lot) and you would have earned it big time for going by some urban rule that is floating around out there.
It’s really okay to be open with a gal that you actually want to see again, and call her the next day. You like someone’s company so much that you want to see them again then don’t play this head game.
Man Tweeter D was given this advice by his mother.
“Just be yourself.”
This advice has some merit, just don’t act like you’re trying out for a role in a Jack Black movie or a character on The Simpsons.
Man Tweeter E was told this by his father: (Seems that dads like to dole it out as well to their sons)
Meet her mother, that should tell you if she’s going to turn out to be a bitch.
Just a wild guess here, but I’m thinking this guy’s father isn’t that fond of his mother-in-law?
First of all, chances that you’ll be having a long conversation or get to know her mother all that well on the first or even second date is rare.
If you want to know more about your date, talk to her and observe how she treats the wait staff when you are out. Is she impatient with the slow service? Is she rude? Is she having a hissy fit because her nail broke?
Of course people are usually on their best behavior when out on a date, but there are small nuances in her behavior you can pick up on that will tell you if something in her personality will send red flags.
Tweeter F given this advice by his single friend:
“Tell her you were in the military. Chicks dig men in uniform and she’ll do you on the first date, guarantee.”
Advice giver is a Three Star General Dick-head.
Sure go ahead and lie to her about being in the military to impress her, and if you happen to click and this is the right woman for you, you’ll be able to rise up the ranks to being a Five Star General Dick-Head once she finds out the truth.
Dating a woman isn’t rocket science or that complicated.
There is no game plan, or rules in my opinion. It’s about connecting with someone on different levels and if you are both interested in each other, then forget about all this silly stuff going around that says you have to wait a certain amount of time to call or not call, or pretend you’re someone you are not, or act like you’re not interested.
I was raised with brothers, have a son and a husband, so I somewhat understand the male mind (not always, but I do have my moments). Men are not that complicated. They do complicate matters when they seek out advice about women from other men. From what I’ve read from the information I received, the advice they received is loaded with a bunch of rhetorical bull.
Advice to Single Women:
It’s really quite simple.
If a guy wants to get to know you more, see you again, it won’t matter what is going on in his life, his career, his financial status, if he’s hung over, broken leg, or if he’s in the middle of the Amazon jungle, he will find a way to call you, reach out to you and not let you slip through the cracks.
If he feels a connection and wants to get to know a woman better, he will not play games.
Often times women will try to rationalize and pick everything apart to find out what went wrong, why is he not calling back? The simple truth is, he’s not interested and won’t be, no matter what a woman says or does.
I also don’t think there’s anything wrong with a woman calling a guy the next day to simply say thanks for the dinner, movie, walk in the park, dart game, (whatever is it they did on the date) and telling him she had a great time. That is if the date ended well. Let’s face it, men, women, we all have instincts, they’ll know if they both had a good time, if there was a small spark, and even if it’s one-sided, it doesn’t matter who reaches out to who, communicating and letting the other person know they wouldn’t mind seeing them again is not a crime.
I’m not suggesting women go all Alex Forrester, bunny-boiler on the guy, but a quick email or phone call to say thanks will not make the guy run and hide or hire a bodyguard.
If the guy freaks out and goes into full-panic, thinking that she wants to go and pick out a china pattern, then he’s a dickhead and not worth worrying about.
Advice to Single Guys:
If the woman you took out on a date is stalling, not committing to wanting to see you again; she’s not interested. Plain and simple. Move on. Be Real. No Games and connect with someone who is as real as you are.
Question to men and women:
What is the worse dating advice you’ve ever been given?
Genre-defying, witty, humorous, suspenseful, romantic and sexy--words used to describe Selena's novels. A chocolate guru, she loves to dance with her dog, sing into her hairbrush and write in her PJ's. In love with her family, friends, books, laughter, hockey, lively discussions and red wine (sometimes all at the same time). Selena is a dragon slayer who enjoys reading and writing sassy heroines and hot heroes (the ones your mamma warned you about, but secretly wished she'd dated a few in her life).
Aside from writing romantic novels, Selena also writes children’s stories under the pen name, Maddie Ryan. Her children’s book, “Pippy’s Wish” has been a best seller on Amazon.
To learn more about Selena and all her books, visit her website at: https://selenarobins.com/
Chat with Selena on her blog at: http://selenarobinsmusings.com/
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