Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Crafting a Sentence: Information versus Impact

Part of voice is how you craft a sentence. For example, Julian would say "One can impart the information in a variety of ways" while Nixie would say "You can spin the 411".

It's information versus impact. You, the author, has to impart certain information. But the impact is how you say it.

A hero can be described as "hard and powerful as a cannon shot". But to me that's a bit bland. I might say "cannon-shot powerful". The second phrase loses information, the word "hard". But that's implied with cannon shot so I'm willing to lose it. The plus to me is that "cannon-shot powerful" gains impact. Short, punchy. It hits the eye/brain in a way "powerful as..." doesn't. As a verby sort of person, I also like the implied motion.

Movement and punch aren't the only kind of impact, of course. You might make a lyrical impact with (for example only) "Powerful as a cannon's blast amid bombs bursting in the cool night air". You might choose an emotional impact with "The soaring cannon shot of freedom" (both with better word choice, of course :). 

Have fun creating your own impact!

No comments:

Post a Comment