Tuesday, August 5, 2014

1T Olio -- Celebrate Romance

photo credit: Edgar Barany via photopin cc
My husband and I were having a discussion the other day about couples. We've gotten to the stage in our lives when we've rubbed a lot of the painful edges off each other--not quite to where we look alike but I can see the day looming coming.

Anyway, we've iterated through this conversation several times over the years and keep adding refinements. Here's what we've learned. I'm not saying these are pearls of wisdom but they are my best approximation at this time :)
  • Couples must have that first blush of attraction. The heart beating faster, the desire to be with the other person. For hubby and me, before dating, it was getting off work near the same time and sometimes...more often than not...finding each other on the freeway going home. 
  • Couples must have and enjoy bodily, skin-to-skin contact. This isn't just sex. This is hugs, massage, everything. I go for a couple weeks during the summer where my body swells and I can't stand touching anything. We still manage to hug or touch elbows. If you have any other suggestions, I'm open to hearing them. Frankly, without skin-to-skin I get squirrelly.
  • Couples must go to bed together. This one's harder. My husband snores. I only deep-sleep the hour after he gets up in the morning. So I stay awake an hour after he's down. But we're in bed at the same time. Does that count? Also, I know couples who don't share a bed but they're fine. What about you?
  • Couples must not go to bed on an argument. This one's harder yet. Sometimes we haven't even realized there's a problem until weeks later. Sometimes we just fight because we're pissed at things or folks outside the marriage but the spouse is safe. --Which has its own problems so we don't do that much anymore. 
  • Couples must enjoy being with each other. This is going to be controversial but I don't think couples need to share interests. My husband and I do share interests, to an almost alarming degree, lol, but I think you can work as a couple if you like to read and he likes to tie fishing lures but you both like to do it better in the same room.
  • Couples must get past the first blush of attraction. In order to keep a partnership going, you have to commit, not just to the partner, but to the relationship itself. So there's something worth fighting for even if you're angry at your partner. Which brings me to... 
  • Couples must be partners. Respected equals. If you disdain your spouse that's a problem. 
Here's our new one: Couples must be business partners. They have to complement each other in the skills it takes to run a home together. For example, I'm good at managing money. My husband's good at taking risks. So I do the bills. He does the investments. Why is this important? Think about it. You could be perfect mates in everything but this--but then where would you live?

For long-lasting companionship (plus weird faces and messy sheets), you need to mesh at several levels, not just first blush.

Speaking of ongoing couples, Nixie and Julian have a new adventure available. Murder at Chipmunk Lake is a fast-paced novella with sex, action, mystery and arguments over what to name the baby. Takes place between Biting Oz and Beauty Bites.

Nixie's lost her mojo!
A Nixie and Julian Story.
*Paranormal. Hot.*
Amazon B&N MACL Smashwords

Nixie Emerson, punk rock musician and first-time mom-to-be, has a stalker. Her band Guns and Polkas has gone national after their big stage debut, but the price of fame is the stalker trying to scare her into leaving the band.

Her husband, master vampire Julian, whisks Nixie away to the Wisconsin north woods--where they meet the stalker on the pier of their cabin and he again threatens Nixie.

Julian punches him out and the couple walks away thinking the problem is over. But when the next evening the stalker is found dead, they find out the trouble is only starting.

Warning: contains a cranky pregnant lady trying to control her swearing, a master vampire appeasing his wife with food and creative sex, murder, mayhem and several arguments over what to name the baby.


  1. What great advice, Mary! The only point I'd add is that couples must/should communicate/talk to each other, preferably daily. Even ordinary chit-chat is valuable, but it's best if the communication supports the both the partnership and the attraction factors. Being best friends helps a lot in that regard.

    1. Helen, you're absolutely right! I can't believe I forgot that. More, it's important that spouses understand that even everyday communication is a privileged sharing of self. Thanks!

  2. I can't wait to tell my husband that couples must be business partners. I'm pretty sure he'll agree and say you're wise. Thanks. Happy Read-A-Romance Month!


    1. Hi Mia,

      I'll take all the wisdom I can get :) Happy Read-A-Romance month to you too!

  3. Great post! My husband and I complement each other in many ways. He's not helpful with my writing, but he's there for me for all of the big things that happen in my life, and that matters a lot to me.